All I Want for Christmas Is a Guru Dressed in Drag
"I Should Quit."
That was the thought screaming in my head as I sat alone at the bar of the Conrad Hotel in Nashville last week. Why am I even trying to help and inspire people? I’m a loser. Tomorrow, I’ll fly home, quit speaking, and live an uncomplicated life selling insurance in Pomona, CA.
I was in Nashville for Impact Eleven Bootcamp, an event for professional speakers and thought leaders making a profound impact on the world. On day one, I was surrounded by some of the most brilliant, inspiring humans you can imagine:
Justin Wren, the UFC fighter bringing clean water to Africa.
Seth Mattison, one of the top 50 speakers in the world, sharing how love is our greatest defense against AI.
Smiley Poswolsky, the world’s leading voice on workplace connection.
Jesse Israel, filling arenas for group meditations and speaking alongside Oprah and Deepak Chopra.
I was shaking hands, sipping wine, and taking selfies with legends. But later that evening, as I sat alone at the bar, I imagined walking away from all of it. My inner voice whispered: You don’t belong here.
Then Shola Richards walked up.
Shola—my good friend, soul brother, and best-selling author—has spoken to audiences of 16,000 people about kindness. He smiled knowingly and asked:
“So, do you feel like quitting yet?”
“Yes,” I admitted. “How’d you know?”
“Because I felt the same way my first time here,” Shola replied. “I’d be worried if you didn’t feel like quitting. That’s kind of the point.”
He shared how he once felt like an imposter, too. “Here I was,” he said, “surrounded by all these brilliant people, and I speak on something they teach in kindergarten—kindness.”
As the week unfolded, I realized that everyone I spoke with—no matter how successful—had felt the same way at some point. Impact Eleven is intentionally designed to challenge you, to trigger you, and to reveal everything you’re not.
It reminded me of a powerful insight shared by Ram Dass:
“The difference between a teacher and a guru is this: A teacher shows you who you are; a guru shows you who you are not.”
A guru doesn’t need to sit on a mountaintop in a loincloth. A guru can be dressed in drag—disguised as a person, a community, or an experience that challenges your sense of self. It strips away who you think you are and forces you to grow—if you’re brave enough to stay.
Impact Eleven was my guru.
At first, I wanted to run. But when I stayed—when I sat with the discomfort—I realized this community was showing me what’s possible. The very space that revealed what I’m not also helped me see who I could become. I went from wanting to quit speaking forever…to envisioning myself on stages I never thought possible.
That’s Shola next to me with the sunglasses and trippy shirt
Becoming Magnetic: The Higher Expression of Persuasion
If you’ve followed me for a while, you know I’m fascinated by magnetism. How do we attract rather than chase? How do we become a yes rather than trying to get a yes?
The principles of persuasion are often used tactically—sometimes effectively, sometimes manipulatively. Take reciprocity, for example: a salesperson recently sent me a Starbucks gift card as a "gift," followed by a request to schedule a call so they could sell me something. It’s a classic move—give first, and you’re more likely to get a yes.
Tactics work, but they’re transactional. I’m more interested in something deeper: What happens when we embody these principles?
If that salesperson practiced forgiveness—the highest form of giving—he might not need gift cards to open doors. By letting go of anger and resentment, he’d release the blocks resisting his success. Money, love, and opportunities would flow to him effortlessly.
Unfortunately, most people don’t yet understand this fundamental truth: the world is yourself pushed out. The success you desire doesn’t live in the Starbucks card or any external tactic—it lives within you. You don’t have to change your circumstances; you only have to change yourself. And when you do, like magic, a bridge of incidents will appear, guiding you to the success you seek.
The Social Proof & Unity Duo: Two Keys to Magnetism
Last week in Nashville crystallized two powerful principles of persuasion for me. When combined and applied on their highest planes, they are incredibly potent for making us magnetic:
Social Proof and Unity.
Social Proof: We’re more likely to say yes when others have already said yes. In other words, we take cues from what others are doing.
On a tactical level, if you’re a doctor and see that 12 other doctors have hired me, you’re more inclined to follow suit. We’re wired to trust what others like us are doing because it feels safer.
On a higher level, social proof is about who we surround ourselves with. Since we unconsciously mimic the people around us, it’s essential to put ourselves in environments with individuals who are smarter, more accomplished, and more expansive than we are. These people make us more magnetic.
If, instead, we surround ourselves with those who diminish us, we lose our magnetism—plain and simple.
Even my teacher, Paramahansa Yogananda, recommended shaking hands with magnetic individuals. Why? Because some of their energy can transfer to you. Last week, as I reflected on all the handshakes and hugs I received in Nashville, I realized something: my up-leveling wasn’t just from the content taught at the event but from physically being around and connecting with extraordinary humans.
Unity: We say yes to people who feel like “us”—those who share a sense of we-ness.
On a tactical level, unity can be as simple as mentioning a shared hometown, club, or experience. At the event last week, a speaker agent (think talent agent for speakers) shared something fascinating. He receives hundreds of emails from aspiring speakers every week—and rarely responds. But if someone mentions they’re sober, like him, he responds. It doesn’t matter how accomplished they are; the shared connection of sobriety opens the door.
Unity creates instant connection.
On a higher level, unity is about belonging to a community—finding your tribe and coming out of isolation.
In today’s world, we are more disconnected than ever. Isolation, loneliness, and disconnection drain our magnetism. As humans, we are wired to be in community. When we lack it, we lose our spark.
Stacked Together: Social Proof + Unity
When Social Proof and Unity combine, their power multiplies.
Imagine this: a doctor sees testimonials from other doctors who’ve hired me (Social Proof) and then discovers I’m from their hometown (Unity). That’s a slam-dunk yes.
But on the higher plane, this combination becomes truly transformative:
Step #1: Be part of a community (Unity): Find a tribe that expands you.
Step #2: Surround yourself with exceptional people (Social Proof): Choose a community filled with individuals who challenge you, inspire you, and push you to grow.
When you combine these steps, you create the ultimate formula for transformation.
Step #1 + Step #2 = Being Guru’d.
The right community doesn’t just support you—it reveals your potential by showing you everything you’re not, guiding you toward everything you can become.
What Makes the Right Community?
The right community shouldn’t make you feel warm and fuzzy from day one. It should make you uncomfortable. It should push you to the edge of your comfort zone, just like Impact Eleven did for me.
But here’s the key: it must push you with love.
The right community operates from abundance, not scarcity. It’s a place where success is shared freely, where support flows generously, and where the philosophy is: “We go farther together.”
Impact Eleven embodies this. Love and generosity are at the core of their mission. And when I was halfway to Pomona in my mind, ready to quit, they held out their hand and said, “Come with us. We’ve got you.”
Final Thought
If you want to become magnetic—to attract more love, money, success, and health—don’t focus on the love, money, success, and health.
Find your tribe.
Find a community that shows you who you’re not—a guru in disguise that triggers your growth. But make sure it’s a community built on love, generosity, and abundance.
The right community doesn’t cheerlead you from the start. It humbles you first, shows you your edges, and then lifts you up when you’re ready to rise.
That’s the kind of tribe that will change your life. It’s the tribe that will fill you with magnetism—so that money, love, health, and success are drawn to you without the need to chase them.
When you focus on becoming a yes, instead of chasing a yes, life will meet you with a resounding, “Yes.”
Thank you for reading. I’m so grateful for all of you.
Oh, and Happy Holidays!
See you next week—if I can carve out some time between all the Christmas festivities!
P.S. Exciting News: A Transformational Retreat in Topanga Canyon, CA!
Some of you may know that a couple of years ago, I organized some life-changing retreats. I’m thrilled to announce that I’m bringing this magic back with a two-day workshop/retreat experience happening March 24-25, 2024, in Topanga Canyon, CA.
This isn’t just a retreat; it’s an immersive program designed to transform how you approach persuasion, influence, and your own personal magnetism:
The Program Outline
Pre-Retreat: How to Get a Yes
Gain access to an online course on ethical persuasion and influence as soon as you register.
Become a certified practitioner of persuasion and influence, equipped with a deep understanding of the principles you can immediately apply to your business or personal endeavors.
Retreat/Workshop: How to Be a Yes
Over two days, you’ll embody the principles of persuasion, learning to live them authentically.
Activities include:
Forgiveness practices (Reciprocity).
Ecstatic chant sessions (Liking).
Group experiences like saunas and cold plunges (Unity).
Byron Katie’s transformative inquiry process (Consistency).
I AM Enough: Emotional Freedom Tapping (Social Proof)
And so much more!
This isn’t just a workshop—it’s a fully immersive, nature-centered experience designed to ground, inspire, and elevate.
Post-Retreat: How to Live a Yes
Join the Magicians of Beauty community:
Participate in book studies, weekly meetings, and Q&A sessions.
Enjoy ongoing access to all my courses.
Be part of a supportive, growth-focused tribe.
Who Is This For?
This experience is designed for self-employed individuals, aspiring entrepreneurs, or anyone on the entrepreneurial path who wants to harness the power of influence and create a magnetic life. Whether you’re seeking more clients, leads, revenue, investment opportunities, stronger team influence, or the ability to close more sales—this program is for you.
When & Where
Dates: March 24-25, 2024 (workshop/retreat), with the online course starting upon registration.
Location: The Commune, Topanga Canyon, CA.
Unlike traditional seminar spaces (think Hilton Hotel banquet room), this workshop/retreat will be held at a beautiful center surrounded by nature. Picture fireside chats, hot tubs, cold plunges, farm-to-table meals, and serene surroundings.
Investment
I’m finalizing logistics, but the investment in yourself will be in the $3,500 range.
Interested?
If this resonates with you, join the waiting list now—no payment required. Once registration opens, you’ll have priority access to secure your spot before it fills up. Plus, you’ll receive an exclusive invitation to a Zoom information session where you can learn more and get all your questions answered.
👉 Click here to join the waiting list.
Let’s make 2025 the year you step fully into your magnetism. I can’t wait to see you there!
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