If You Change the Way You Look at Things, the Things You Look at Change
The Simple Prayer That Changed a Psychiatric Hospital—and My Life
Between 1984 and 1987, Dr. Ihaleakala Hew Len worked at a psychiatric hospital for the criminally insane—a place so toxic, even plants couldn’t survive. Nurses walked the halls pressed against the walls to avoid attacks, staff turnover was relentless, and the paint on the walls peeled away as if the building itself couldn’t bear the weight of the negativity.
Dr. Hew Len wasn’t expected to last long. But what the hospital didn’t know was that he had a plan—a radical one. Before taking the job, he had spent a year studying Ho'oponopono, an ancient Hawaiian healing modality. This practice offered him a revolutionary insight:
To help others heal, you must first heal yourself.
Healing Without Meeting a Single Patient
Dr. Hew Len made an unusual decision. He wouldn’t meet the patients face-to-face or even speak to them. Instead, he locked himself in his office, reviewed their files, and silently repeated four powerful phrases:
I’m sorry
Please forgive me
Thank you
I love you
Day after day, he sat with each file, repeating this prayer. Slowly, things began to change. The patients became calmer. Medications were reduced. Plants started thriving. Staff stopped quitting. Within four years, the hospital closed its doors—every patient was discharged, and the once-overwhelmed institution no longer needed to exist.
Dr. Hew Len’s story went viral, and he spent the rest of his life teaching the simple yet profound Ho'oponopono method.
2025: The Year of "Yes"
2025 will be the year I publish my first book—a guide on how to get more "yeses" in your life. But this isn’t just about getting others to say yes; it’s about becoming a "Yes" yourself and living a life that feels like a resounding "Yes" in every way. At its core, this book is about how to become a magnetic human being.
The foundation of the book will draw on Dr. Robert Cialdini’s universal principles of persuasion, as outlined in his New York Times bestselling book Influence. But make no mistake—this won’t be a “tips and tricks” manual on how to get people to say yes. My goal is to go far deeper.
I plan to take each of Cialdini’s principles and correlate it with profound spiritual practices and timeless wisdom. For example, consider the principle of reciprocity—the idea that we can get a yes by giving something first. Reciprocity taps into our innate wiring to return favors, increasing the likelihood of receiving a yes when we give freely.
But giving and generosity aren’t just behavioral hacks—they’re deeply rooted truths emphasized in sacred texts. As the Saint Francis prayer so beautifully reminds us, “It is in giving that we receive.”
Yet there’s one type of giving that transcends all others. It’s transformative, healing, and profoundly magnetic.
Some might call it "giving on steroids." But as with most powerful forms of growth, it’s also the hardest to implement.
So, what is this type of giving?
Have you guessed it yet?
Forgiveness: The Gateway to True Magnetism
To truly become magnetic in life—to be the yes you seek and to live the yes you desire—you must practice forgiveness.
How does that land with you? Did it stir something? For me, writing this brings up resistance. My inner voice screams, Nope. Way too uncomfortable. I don’t want to forgive anyone! I’m perfectly fine holding onto my resentments.
Does that sound familiar?
We tell ourselves, If I’m going to forgive someone, they need to come to me on their knees asking for it. And so we stay stuck, clutching our grudges as if they protect us, all the while weighed down by the very resentment we refuse to release.
But here’s the truth: forgiveness isn’t for the other person. It’s for you.
Ho'oponopono: Forgiveness in Action
One of the most profound forgiveness practices I’ve encountered—and the one I use daily—is the same practice that healed an entire psychiatric hospital: Ho'oponopono.
You’ve likely heard the simple mantra:
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
A quick Google search will reveal countless meditations, songs, t-shirts, and even bumper stickers featuring this prayer. But what most people miss is the profound philosophy that forms its foundation: Radical Responsibility.
The Foundation of Ho'oponopono: Radical Responsibility
Ho'oponopono teaches that we are 100% responsible for everything that comes into our awareness. No exceptions.
If something enters your life—a friend’s car accident, a broken relationship, a rude stranger, or even a monsoon in India—it becomes your responsibility. That doesn’t mean it’s your fault, but it does mean it’s yours to heal. Why? Because the moment something enters your awareness, it becomes part of your consciousness. And within your consciousness lies the power to transform it.
This is how Dr. Hew Len healed an entire psychiatric hospital without meeting a single patient. He believed their struggles mirrored something within him that needed healing. By healing himself, he healed them.
When we embrace radical responsibility, we stop blaming the outside world for our problems. Instead, we begin to see everything as an opportunity for healing and transformation.
Memory vs. Inspiration
Ho'oponopono teaches us that there are two ways to live: through memory or through inspiration.
Living Through Memory
Most people live through memory. They view the world through the lens of past experiences, stored beliefs, and subconscious patterns. Here’s an example:
If someone tells me they were in a car accident, my response isn’t to the event itself—it’s shaped by my own memories of past accidents, movies I’ve seen, or things my parents once said about driving. My reaction is not to the reality in front of me but to the old programs stored in my mind.
Living through memory is like being stuck in a loop. It’s reactive, limiting, and often painful. It traps us in cycles of old thinking, making it nearly impossible to create anything new.
Living Through Inspiration
Living through inspiration is entirely different. It’s about being present—letting go of old beliefs and clearing the noise of past memories. When we live through inspiration, we allow divine intelligence to guide our actions, decisions, and words. Life begins to flow effortlessly—with joy, abundance, and clarity.
What Blocks Inspiration?
The answer is simple: our memories.
Memories create static that drowns out the whispers of divine guidance. They distort our perception of reality, chaining us to the past.
For example, you might react defensively to a colleague’s suggestion because of a memory of feeling criticized in the past. The event isn’t about the present moment; it’s colored by the memory of what criticism meant to you before.
How Do We Clear These Memories?
To live an inspired life, we must first “clean” the memories that distort our perception. The best and simplest way I’ve found to do this is by repeatedly saying the Ho'oponopono prayer whenever we feel any sort of disturbance or trigger within our system:
I’m sorry.
Please forgive me.
Thank you.
I love you.
When we clean these old programs, the mental chatter begins to quiet, and stillness emerges. In that stillness, we can finally hear the whispers of divine inspiration.
As Dr. Hew Len said, “Cleaning our memories is the path to freedom.” It’s how we release what no longer serves us and make room for the inspired life waiting to unfold. Cleaning shifts us from being reactive to being guided—from living through memory to living through inspiration.
Applying Ho'oponopono in My Life
Take my son, Rocky. He’s been struggling at school this year—getting in trouble, being disrespectful, lying. My instinct was to “fix” him. Punish him, reward him, try to change his behavior through sheer force of will. But nothing worked.
Then I had a realization: Stop trying to fix him. Heal yourself by cleaning your own memories that are contributing to your son’s challenges.
Every time a negative thought about Rocky pops into my mind—he’s a troublemaker, he’s disrespectful—I use the prayer. Over and over:
I’m sorry, Rocky.
Please forgive me for creating this perspective of you.
Thank you for teaching me.
I love you.
I can’t tell you how peaceful this practice has made me feel. I’ll keep you posted on how it impacts Rocky, but I already feel something shifting. What I’m doing is re-authoring my reality of who my son is.
In other words:
A Simple 21-Day Forgiveness Challenge
I know this might sound a little “out there.” It certainly did for me. But here’s my sincere recommendation: try it in the laboratory of your own life.
For the next 21 days, focus on healing just one relationship. Stick to one person—it’ll be much easier to see the impact of this practice when your attention isn’t spread thin. Once you gain confidence in this technique, feel free to expand it into other areas of your life.
Here’s the practice:
Dedicate two minutes in the morning and two minutes at night to this person. Close your eyes, take a deep breath, and repeat the mantra:
“I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.”
While repeating the mantra, visualize a golden light flowing between your heart and theirs, forming a loop of healing energy. With each repetition, feel the tension softening and dissolving.
That’s it.
Don’t overcomplicate it. Don’t change the script. Its power lies in its simplicity.
Give it 21 days. See what happens. You might just be amazed at the shifts this small daily practice can create.
Final Thoughts
Since adopting Ho'oponopono, I’ve found myself using the prayer hundreds of times a day.
While writing this very article, thoughts crept in: “People are going to hate this. Everyone will unsubscribe.” Immediately, I started cleaning those thoughts. Why? Because they’re simply memories—old programs running in my subconscious that tell me I’m not good enough. They’re not reality. So, I clean.
When someone cuts me off in traffic? I clean it.
When I can’t sleep? I clean it.
When I judge someone? I clean it—because I’m the one creating them as “less than” in my perception. It’s not their problem to fix; it’s mine.
What I’ve noticed in my life as of late is nothing short of astonishing: Ho'oponopono is healing my perfectionism.
For so long, I lived frustrated and angry at people for not meeting my invisible, often unreasonable expectations. I expected everyone to live up to a standard I created—and when they didn’t, I spiraled into irritation. That frustration kept me locked in judgment, so consumed by what wasn’t working that I couldn’t hear the gentle knock of inspiration at my door.
But Ho'oponopono is changing that. It’s helping me approach life’s challenges not with frustration or force, but with love and forgiveness. What a novel idea, huh?
For years, I tried to “fix” myself with discipline, willpower, and sheer grit. But what I really needed—what we all need—is love.
Sorry for the Beatles reference, but they were onto something: All you need is love.
And with Ho'oponopono, love isn’t just a warm, fuzzy feeling—it becomes a practice, a way of life. Forgiveness clears the emotional clutter and creates space for peace, connection, and inspiration.
If this article resonates with you in any way, I encourage you to dive deeper into the wisdom of Ho'oponopono. While the practice is beautifully simple, its depth can’t fully be uncovered in a quick read.
Here are three resources to explore Ho'oponopono further:
That’s it for this week. Remember: I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you.
See you next week!
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