The Secret to Getting What You Want by Becoming Who You Are
Take a Look Around
Right now, take a look around the room you’re in. Find an object that catches your eye—maybe it’s a painting, a cup, a picture, or even a book. It could be anything, as long as it resonates with you for some reason.
(If you’re up for it later, try this exercise outdoors. See if something like a tree, rock, or flower catches your attention.)
Now, describe that object using at least three adjectives. For example:
I noticed a rock on the ground. It stood out—it was unique, unlike the others. It’s small but feels strong and powerful. Amongst all the rocks, this one seemed like a leader—charismatic in a way the others weren’t.
Here, the adjectives I used are:
Unique
Strong
Powerful
Leader
Charismatic
Hold onto those adjectives. We’ll come back to them later. This exercise was surprisingly revealing for me—it unlocked something deeper I hadn’t expected.
Achieving vs. Becoming
There’s a big difference between getting what you want and wanting what you get.
Getting what you want = Achieving
Wanting what you get = Becoming
Achieving can make you rich (abundance).
Becoming can make you rich and happy (abundance + peace).
Today, I’m diving into how to both achieve and become, using one of the most powerful persuasion principles: Scarcity.
Let’s get started.
What is the Scarcity Principle?
Scarcity highlights the value of something when it’s limited. The fear of missing out (FOMO) can drive decisions in powerful ways.
It’s one of the strongest psychological drivers we have—it can make people do some pretty crazy things. Remember Beanie Babies?
Take this classic study on chocolate chip cookies: Researchers asked people to rate cookies on desirability, attractiveness, and value. The cookies were identical, but one group saw 10 cookies, while the other saw just 2. The result? The group that saw only 2 cookies rated them much higher. The cookies seemed more valuable, simply because they were scarce.
And it’s not just cookies. In another study, people were given gift cards. Cards with a three-week expiration had a 33% redemption rate, while cards with a three-month expiration had only a 6% redemption rate. Scarcity creates urgency and action.
Here’s the thing: as humans, we’re more motivated by the fear of loss than by potential gain. So, when trying to influence or persuade, frame your offer in terms of what they’ll miss out on—sell the painkiller, not the vitamin, even if you’re offering vitamins!
For example, in a study in Southern California, homeowners were told to install weatherstripping to save energy. One group was told, "You’ll save $1 a day," while the other group was told, "You’ll lose $1 a day." The group told they’d lose $1 installed 150% more weatherstripping. When you frame things as a loss, the scarcity mindset kicks in.
Pair Scarcity with Exclusive Information
Scarcity is even more powerful when combined with exclusive information. A large Australian beef company tested this by dividing their sales team into three groups:
Group 1: “We just got in a new shipment of beef. How many truckloads would you like?” Result: 10 truckloads sold.
Group 2: “We just got a new shipment of beef, but weather patterns suggest a shortage soon.” Result: 24 truckloads sold.
Group 3: “We just got a new shipment of beef. However, we have a connection in the Australian weather department, and we’ve been notified of an upcoming shortage. You’re the first to know.” Result: 61 truckloads sold!
When you pair genuine scarcity with exclusive information, it’s persuasion gold—because even the information is scarce. It’s scarcity squared.
How to Get What You Want with Scarcity
First off, use scarcity ethically. It’s easy to bluff and say you only have 5 widgets left when you actually have hundreds. But trust me, there’s another universal principle at play: what goes around, comes around. If you’re known as a persuasion trickster, it will catch up with you.
Persuasion is like dynamite: it can build roads, or it can blow up buildings. Use it wisely.
Being strategic with scarcity means integrating it into your processes authentically. For example, my colleague Alex runs free in-person workshops to attract clients. He limits attendance to 20 people, even though he could easily fit 50. Why? He’s building ethical scarcity. If the 21st person shows up and asks to be let in, he says no. He’s teaching people that when he says “limited,” he means it.
It’s better to have a waiting list than to let everyone in. Even if you can accommodate more, choose the waiting list over short-term revenue. The long-term value of building trust and scarcity is much greater.
Or take my glasses obsession. I saw a pair of sunglasses on Succession (season 4, in my opinion, the best season), worn by Lukas Matsson, played by Alexander Skarsgård. I went down a Reddit rabbit hole and discovered they were made by Jacques Marie Mage, a brand known for producing limited runs. When I got to the store, I found out they only made 250 pairs, and they were sold out. That made me even more obsessed! I ended up buying a different color, but they only made 150 pairs of those. I paid a fortune, but every time I wear them, I feel like I own something truly unique.
Jacques Marie Mage could easily produce 50,000 pairs, but they don’t. They’ve built their entire business model around scarcity, and they charge a premium for it. And here I am, telling you about them, becoming a walking ambassador for the brand. That’s the power of scarcity. It makes you buy, pay more, and become a brand advocate because you feel part of an exclusive club.
Make Scarcity a Habit
Incorporating scarcity into your life or business doesn’t have to be a grand gesture. It’s the small, consistent actions that build success. Here’s how to make scarcity a habit:
After preparing a pitch, highlight a limited-time frame or exclusive offer in your presentation.
After getting a lead, offer them exclusive information that no one else knows.
After outlining the benefits of a product or service, emphasize what the potential client stands to lose by not acting now.
After engaging with a new customer or client, remind them of the exclusive benefits they’re receiving.
After providing a quote, include a time-sensitive incentive to increase urgency.
After starting a sales conversation, mention an upcoming scarcity or shortage related to the product or service.
After sending a follow-up email, include a reminder of limited availability or exclusive access.
After someone inquires about your service, create a small, exclusive window of time for them to act.
After getting a positive response from a potential customer, offer them exclusive information others don’t know.
After someone shows hesitation, remind them of what they could lose if they don’t act now.
After receiving a response from a potential client, mention that there’s limited availability in the schedule.
Becoming Scarce (a.k.a. Becoming You)
Becoming scarce isn’t just about achieving—it’s about becoming. It’s about being your authentic self, the real you. And here’s the thing—your true self is scarce because there’s no one else like you on this planet.
This process of becoming is hard. It requires you to dig deep, unlearn societal conditioning, and shed other people’s opinions. But the rewards? They’re worth it.
Almost forgot! Remember that exercise from the beginning—the object and the adjectives? A couple of weeks ago, I wrote an article where I introduced the concept of Negative Transference—the idea that if you spot something in others, it often means you've got it yourself. You know the phrase, "If you spot it, you got it," right? Well, what I didn’t mention was Positive Transference. The adjectives you used to describe that object? They’re actually a reflection of who you are. What you saw out there is a hint of the qualities within you.
In my example, the rock was unique, strong, powerful, a leader, charismatic. If you described that same rock using those words, you’d be describing the real you, too.
Let that sink in for a moment.
Tiny Habit List for Becoming You
Here are some Tiny Habits to help you embrace your authenticity:
After I feel the urge to hide my true feelings or opinions, I will take a deep breath and express myself honestly in the moment.
After I feel tension or discomfort in a conversation, I will ask the person, "Is there anything we need to clear up between us?"
After I sit down to relax, I will close my eyes for a moment and send love to my inner child, imagining a warm embrace.
After I feel an emotional reaction (e.g., frustration, sadness), I will pause and take three deep breaths to acknowledge and name the emotion.
After I get dressed in the morning, I will choose one piece of clothing or accessory that symbolizes my ideal self.
After I finish my meditation, I will express gratitude for the things I desire, as if they are already part of my life.
After I feel hesitant to speak up in a group, I will remind myself, "My voice matters," even if I don't speak up this time.
After I receive a compliment, I will simply say, "Thank you," without downplaying it.
After I make my morning cup of coffee, I will take a deep breath and ask myself, "What would bring me joy today?"
After I turn off my alarm in the morning, I will sit up in bed and take three deep breaths, focusing on the sensation of the breath entering and leaving my body.
After I notice myself comparing to others, I will think of one unique quality I have that sets me apart and say it out loud to myself in the mirror.
Want to Learn the Tiny Habits Method?
If you're serious about making lasting changes—whether it’s integrating scarcity into your daily life or deepening your personal growth—I highly recommend checking out my detailed step-by-step guide on Dr. BJ Fogg’s Tiny Habits method. It’s a practical, science-backed approach to making any habit stick effortlessly.
We Change Best by Feeling Good, Not Bad
All the Tiny Habits I’ve shared with you work—whether it's the deeper work of becoming scarce or integrating scarcity as a strategy. The beauty of Tiny Habits is that they grow naturally, without forcing or manipulating.
Start small, stay consistent, and watch these little daily wins compound into lasting change. The new you will sneak up on you effortlessly, and one day you’ll look back and realize just how far you've come.
Go out there and get your yesses this week, whether by using scarcity or becoming it.
See you next Thursday.
Whenever you're ready, there are 6 ways I can help you and your team:
Book me to speak at your next sales kickoff meeting or conference: I've spoken about sales negotiation to over 20,000 people worldwide. Text the word "SPEAKER," to 310-927-5657 and someone will contact you within 24 hours to discuss.
Bring me on to train your sales team: I've trained teams from some of the world's largest organizations, yielding an incredible ROI of $535 for every dollar spent. My methods have generated an additional $1B in revenue across various industries. If you're interested, please text the word "TRANSFORMATION," to 310-927-5657 and someone will schedule a discovery call with you shortly.
[COMING SOON] Negotiate Price Like a STUD, Not a DUD: An online, self-directed course designed to help you defend your pricing and fees effectively.
[COMING SOON] From 'Yes' to 'Hell Yes': The Ethical Conman's Blueprint: I've recently been certified as a master trainer in persuasion and influence by Dr. Robert Cialdini himself. I'm launching a new, exclusive 8-week program that deep dives into the principles of ethical persuasion and influence for leaders. Learn how to become a more magnetic leader and get more people to say "Yes" to you.
[TBD] Live 2-Day Public Negotiation Seminar in Los Angeles: Join us for a unique opportunity to master negotiation skills, network with other leaders, and enjoy a swanky hotel in LA. It's also a perfect chance to train key people from your organization if in-house training isn't feasible.
[TBD] Annual Retreat for Leaders in Life Transitions: Join our intensive retreat designed to help leaders navigate life transitions and discover their next chapter. These retreats focus on authenticity and living a life true to your authentic self. Hundreds have experienced transformation through my retreats.
